“Be thankful for the beautiful moment. Be thankful for the gift of today. Be thankful for how far you have reached”
-Lailah Gifty Akita
Growing up I was a brat. I look back on the tantrums I used to throw, the little things I used to say to hurt my Mom and Dad’s feelings, the arguments I had with my siblings, and my overall terrible attitude if things didn’t go my way. Let’s not forget Facebook memories, for consistently reminding me of how fucking ignorant and ratchet I thought I was in high school. I’d like to think I’ve grown up a little bit over the years, especially once I started to realize how short life really is. I was texting one of my childhood best friends the other day because another person we grew up with, passed away. I’m at that age where some of my friends are just starting their lives meaning they’re getting married, having kids, starting their careers or traveling the world, and some of my friends lives are being cut short.
The first week of March is always tough for me. My attitude changes, I’m more agitated, and I’m more emotional than normal. Why? No, it’s not because I’m a female. However, it is an emotional week for me because it happens to be the anniversary of three separate deaths. Three years ago on this day my beautiful Grandmother passed away. Ironically, the day I found out about my grandmother’s passing I was deployed to Camp Arifjan in Kuwait. I got back to my room late to find a note telling me I needed to see the Chaplain or my commander immediately. For some reason, I thought I was in trouble but I actually got the news of my grandmother’s passing. Before my mom adopted me, my Grandmother played the ‘Mother’ and the ‘Grandmother’ role to me; she played a big part in helping raise me while I was growing up. My parents told me how sick she was a couple weeks prior and informed me they didn’t think she would make it to the end of my deployment but I didn’t want to believe that. I wanted to believe she would make it a few more months so I could at least say bye to her. I never did get to say bye to her and I guess you can say I kind of envy the rest of my family for being able to see her before she passed away. Six years ago on this day, I was working my regular night shift at Winghouse Bar and Grill when a co-worker started seizing and coughing up blood. Her name was Jennie, no one really knows the reason for her passing but she died right in front of us. I wasn’t close with Jennie but it’s pretty traumatizing to watch someone die in front of you like that, it makes you appreciate good health and being alive. Last year on March 11th, I got a message from my old boss with the news that one of our good friends had passed away in a motorcycle crash. My friend Brandon worked with me at a club in Orlando named “Dragon Room,” and would hang out with me while I bartended at Independent Bar. I would vent to this bro for hours, mostly about boys, and he would give me the best advice. He would always take me out downtown whenever my ex-boyfriend broke up with me or I was upset about something, to get my mind off of whatever the problem was. One night, he literally helped save my life when I stopped breathing from drinking too much. No one got to say bye to Brandon though, not even me and I know so many people who miss him as much as I do. March is a tough month, but I’m thankful these people were a part of my life in some way and they’re resting in peace.
You know what the issue with people nowadays is? Instead of putting our energy towards something positive, we waste it on hate and negativity. We get it; you don’t like Trump, you’re a feminist, you hate the Middle East, the economy sucks, the wall is stupid, fuck the police, cash me outside how bout dahhh girl needs better home training. Geezus fucking Christ do any of you ever get tired of putting so much energy into shit you can’t change? I try to avoid the people who rant about every little thing they feel is wrong with this world and the people who consistently seek sympathy from others. I’m reminded every time someone I know passes away that life is fucking short. We don’t get to choose when we die, but we damn sure get to choose how we live. Instead of spending hours a day on social media getting mad at the articles you read, arguing with people over their opinion you don’t agree with or feeling sorry for yourself over something so small, remember the people who can’t do any of that. Wake up and love on someone. Suck up your pride and apologize. Hold the door open and if someone holds the door open for you, say thank you. Don’t be a wuss, stop holding a grudge and talk to the person you have beef with. Most importantly, don’t just tell the people you love that you love them, show them. Life is short y’all, think about the person you want to be remembered as and be that person. Me? I just want to be known as the goofy kid with the big heart, I want to be someone people are proud to know so I’m working on myself everyday. Until my next post, inshalla.