“The journey isn’t about becoming a different person, but loving who you are right now”
As I approach the end of my first month back in Kuwait, I honestly can’t help but reflect. It’s taken years for me to finally achieve my goal of training others and impacting lives. Kuwait is the land of opportunity and if you give it a chance, you can create a life for yourself and set your family up for success.
I’m often asked why I chose to come back and I’ll begin with this, I never left Kuwait because I hated the country but because I did not get along with my former supervisor or enjoy my position. I worked an IT job, as I’ve done IT work since I joined the Army in 2011. I absolutely hate anything IT, I always have. It’s boring and although the money is made in that specific field, I would
rather take a pay cut to do what I enjoy.
About eight months ago, I went through something mentally challenging. I was in a deep depression because I was so miserable living in the United States. Sure- I had the (S)Wagner Clan whom I love so much but living in Oklahoma was huge change for me. I realized while living in the USA, that people aren’t genuine. I should have realized that years ago when I first moved to Kuwait in 2015 who my “party” friends were versus who my genuine friends were. I deactivated my social media accounts and could only be reached by my number or WhatsApp, I went to a wedding and tried to be outgoing and excited but I couldn’t help but feel out of place. During this time, the only people who reached out to me were my friends in Kuwait. Very few of my “friends” in the states actually reached out to me, it was quite sad actually. When you are so emotionally down and unstable, having support is so important.
It’s funny actually, when someone like Kate Spade commits suicide and everyone seems to care about mental health awareness but the reality is most people don’t. Sure, the issue is brought to your attention for a week but when someone clearly is unhappy- no one says or does anything. They ignore it and go on with their lives. I learned this the hard way when I expected people I’d been friends with my entire life and/or people I considered good friends stopped talking to me. Once you stop initiating contact with others, you learn who’s friendship is genuine.
About five months ago, I tried to pull myself out of this funk I was in. I took control back of my company, I slowly started to workout again, I started applying online to jobs in Kuwait but when I had a few interviews and didn’t get any offers I was crushed. I felt more down than ever but I was determined to create my own happiness. Cole and I started doing side jobs, creating a meal prep business and working on new inventory for Crops & Cleans. Mapping a plan out. Well, in April I applied for my current position and ended up getting the job whilst Cole got an offer to play International baseball in South Korea. We were both going to live out our goals.
Fast forward to today, I could not be happier. Cole’s baseball career ended this month because he flew in mid-season, he went 8-8 in his first two games against Korean Professional Baseball teams. He got a job in Kuwait working with the same company as me, we just moved into a 3BR/5BA Villa and I’m training clients whilst running my clothing company. We have the power to create our own happiness and it’s completely possible to pull yourself out of depression. For those who are depressed or down, don’t give up. Everything happens for a reason. We are meant to fail so we can succeed. It’s the way of life and it’s natural to be upset when you do fail. As we grow, we need to learn to appreciate the smaller things in life because once we find success in little things then we create our own happiness. Until my next post, inshallah.